I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
