I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
