Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
