The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
