I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
