if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
