just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
