Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
