i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
