Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
