I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
