I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
