so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
