i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
