Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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