Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
