I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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