whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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