..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
