God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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