wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
