That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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