Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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