I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
