I am in a vortex of obligation.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
