im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
