would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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