Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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