So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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