so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
