Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
