I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
