i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
