when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
