I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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