I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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