I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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