First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
