i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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