they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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