how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
