Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
