I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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