In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
