i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
