So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
