her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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