sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
