So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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