Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
