dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
