Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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