Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
