wat bout pragnant strippers??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
