right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dicks are not precious.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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