Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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