i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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