I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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