my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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