Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
