i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
