I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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