Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
