i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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