i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
