I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is Oprah even human
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
