if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
