dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
