Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
