so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
