Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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