Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
