i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
